Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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