i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Actions speak louder than pants.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
