bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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