I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
