people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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