Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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