In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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