I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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