Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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