He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
