But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
