You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
