Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
