God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
