This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
