My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
My vagina just clenched in fear
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