I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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