oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
