It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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