i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
