bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
