I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
