Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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