I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
