I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
