i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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