Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
