I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
foreskin is a definite game changer
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
