I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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