is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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