At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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