if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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