One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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