Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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