Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
