On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
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