We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Two words: nipple clamps
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