1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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