We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
