I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Bring me that man meat
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize