Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
