I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
