I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
