last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
