This girl is more easily done than said...
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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