Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Randomize
