Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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