I heard we made out
In the future we'll all be gay
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
