when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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