Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
please come you make the beer taste better
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I can't put those talents on a resume
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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