JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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