he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
