ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Randomize
