We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize