is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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