after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
