when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
