Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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