I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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