What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Randomize
