maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize