non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Randomize
