My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
