And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Randomize
