a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
