I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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