Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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