in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
