winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
