Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Randomize
