i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I have already put on my inside pants.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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