My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
well you can't waste a boner
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
