went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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