I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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