singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
